News
City Manhole Covers Experiencing Existential Crises
“I don’t recognize myself anymore.” With the nation’s continued mandate to stay at home, street traffic has ground to nearly a standstill.
All across the region, steaming manholes are experience their second week without any affect on moving vehicles and bicyclists. With the nation’s continued mandate to stay at home, street traffic has ground to nearly a standstill.
“My last accident was over 3 weeks ago,” said manhole cover 876-13b-East-Jordon. “It was a three car combo, but still nowhere as good as back in the 90s where we could count on a full on death every other month. You know, before self braking cars.” “Now all we get are rear-Enders,” he lamented.
Crisis centers are being set up to handle inbound counseling calls.
News
United States Takes First Prize At The 29th Annual Failed State Awards
Accepting for the US, a tearful President Donald J Trump. “I’m honored you honor me with this honor. For me.”
APRIL 27, 2020 – RANGOON, MYANMAR
“There were many times I didn’t think we’d win,” said Ben Carson through streaming tears. Mr. Carson, the Housing and Urban Development Secretary, a key member of the president’s cabinet, was at times so emotional he was unable to answer reporters questions.
“I’d like to congratulate, the United Shtates of Maerica…,” proclaimed Mr. Trump before being led offstage by award presenter, Lusty Happycrack, the recipient of last year’s Pol Pot Honorary Leadership Award.
“Has been close before, with no cigar.”
The United States has been close to receiving the honor twice in the award’s 29 year history. Once nominated for the subversion of the 2016 election, the US nearly won the top award in 2018 for spending money on a southern border wall while American children starved.
The award, given in honor of the award’s founding member Muammar al-Gaddafi, will sit proudly on the US President’s desk for months to come. Made out of rusted metal taken from shanti roofs in the award-recipient’s country, in this case Los Angeles, the award is presented in the shape of a front-loaded dumpster. The work of art sits atop a carved elephant-dung-alabaster base.
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News
Some Canadian Lady Reads Tarot Cards And Wins The World
Exposes Meghan Markle as a scam artist, over 8.5 Million views.
Alien Civilization Sues Mark Zuckerberg For Copyright on Threads Logo
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