MAY 9, 2020 – MONTECITO, CA

Tammy was concerned she wouldn’t get paid for labor she’d provided to the Alvarez family. She spoke to AOH from the Alvarez country home in the hills above Montecito, just outside of Santa Barbara, in sunny California. “Mrs. Alvarez demands alot of us. And it isn’t fair to ask her to pay for it,” said Tammy Bishop, long serving head gamekeeper to the Alvarez family of Los Angelas, Santiago, Biarritz, New York and, of course, Montecito. “Mrs. A would have never extended the grounds and installed the orangerie if she knew her husband’s investments would take such a hit.”

But nobody saw it coming. Millions of millionaires caught off guard.

The FFFWIG, or Funds For Famous or Wealthy Important Groups, or “Full Wig” bill, sets aside tax free money for the estates and homes that are hardest hit. It allows for the owners to take larger gambles on investments with the idea that they must know what they’re doing, that they just need more money, and that they will use income from new investments to pay for the things they own.

Families are now focused on new legislation from the federal congress for additional items, with the focus on 5 major programs:

Housekeepers, drivers, horticulturists… thousands of specialized workers breathed sighs of relief on Saturday as their prospects of getting paid improved. “We know that Mr. Tau will invest this money wisely, make a huge windfall, and share the proceeds with us,” proclaimed Donald Miller, the family masseuse who has worked with the Tau family for the last 6 months. 

National treasure and superstar actress Susan Sarandon was one of the first recipients of cold hard cash from the fund. It is unclear where she would invest the money, but bets are high it will be in Ping Pong bars in urban areas. Susan Sarandon was previously missing; A grateful nation cheered when she showed up to pick up her FFFWIG Check.