A spokesperson for the Proxima Centuri Federation of Planets said the lawsuit was filed in US District Court last Friday.

Jowl Ra Heth, spokesperson for the government of the Proxima Centuri Federation of Planets, responded to media requests via fax. “We are saddened and shocked that our former ambassador to the Sol star system has decided to use a graphic pattern, one we used in a message to earth 25 years ago, to start a new money-making venture. While the establishment of yet another social media platform in order to lull the human race into a state of codependency is in alignment with our goals of ultimate domination, the wholesale theft of our intellectual property is really a new low for Mr. Zuckerberg.” The “threaded a” was originally used in a galactic communication in a wheat field in Le Chalet-à-Gobet, Switzerland in 1998.

Just two years ago it was a hard pass.

TUESDAY JUNE 19, 5:39 PM – EARTH’S MOON

Speaking with AOH reporters from an abandoned model-planet site-viewing platform on the Earth-side of the moon, Juxthorpe and Nancy Kylomor-Nuchttadbetter looked on at the planet as the sun began to set. “It’s not what we saw in EY (Earth Year) 2017,” said Nancy. “I can’t describe it, but it used to appear sick. Like it had an infection.”

Nancy and Juxthorpe are planning to have a family within the next 138 EY years. They’ve been looking to “expand our horizons.” With her pregnancy in just its 63rd trimester, all 196,890,231 of her sack eggs are healthy.

And with 30 year fixed ARM mortages at just 2.9%, it’s a sweeter deal for the Kylomor-Nuchttadbetter family.

MAY 17, 2020 – DETROIT

Local man, Vince Dunham, purchased yet another pair of shoes from a Facebook ad on Friday. Sources are watching him closely. It appears the latest shoes are also disappointing and look “nowhere near as cute as on Facebook.”