Exclusive
Gerbil Responsible For Quantum Reality Shift Retiring
Barney Rubble, now 102 in human years, set to relax after record run of causing global hijinx and snafus. Meet the gerbil who broke the Hadron Collider and changed history.
BOCA RATON, FLORIDA, APRIL 25, 2020
“That’s it. I’m done,” proclaimed Barney after watching the American president recommend inserting light into the body to cure Covid-19.
Barney Rubble, named after a goldfish who died at a young age, was only 6 months old when he braved the safeguards of the Large Hadron Collider, the experimental atomic machine in Cern, Switzerland, on November 6, 2016.
“I wanted to make a difference,” Barney said from a pool-side recliner. “I didn’t realize it would lead to all this horror; the Earth burning, Donald Trump as president, The Good Cop on ABC, Donald Trump as president. Covid-19 is just icing on the cake… I’ve done my work here.”
“My first inkling that my monkeying around was working was when they threw the election in the United States for this guy,” Barney gestured to the television where Trump was giving his infamous treatise on light and disinfectant-spray therapy for Covid-19. “Then everything went to hell in a handbag and I knew. I knew.”
Covid-19
Is Dr. Bornstein Moonlighting as the Allegedly Debunked Plandemic Dr. Judy Mikovits?
Uncanny similarities may answer the question, “Who is Judy Mikovitz?”
People everywhere are speculating that the famous doctor is also the same debunked scientist from panned Plandemic movie… you know, like Michael & Latoya Jackson. Just everywhere… everyone is talking about it and everyone is thinking it. Who is? Everyone.
Remember Dr. Bornstein? This will trip your memory:
NBC News Exclusive: Trump Doctor Wrote Health Letter in Just 5 Minutes as Limo Waited
And regarding Dr. Mikovits, if you haven’t seen it:
A disgraced scientist and a viral video: how a Covid conspiracy theory started
Seen ‘Plandemic’? We Take A Close Look At The Viral Conspiracy Video’s Claims
Who is Judy Mikovits in ‘Plandemic,’ the coronavirus conspiracy video just banned from social media?
Exclusive
MasterClass Desperate For Content; Introduces Gwyneth Paltrow’s Scream Therapist
Platform will continue to scrape the bottom of the barrel for content, like an upcoming class on Tibetan Moon Howling featuring Richard Gere’s Yoga Instructor, Jesus Gonzales.
MAY 16, 2020 – MALIBU, CA
Yoon Muk was thrilled at the idea. “When MasterClass offered this job to me to teach people the benefits of screams, and make a BOATLOAD of quick cash, I jumped at the opportunity,” said Ms. Muk from her 5 x 12 room in her employer Gwyneth Paltrow’s basement. “As long as I keep up the mistress’ lessons, she said I could do this too. And keep 20% of the money.” Yoon also serves as full time cupper to Ms. Paltrow and her family.
Planned, upcoming classes also include:
Tibetan Moon Howling
With Jesus Gonzales, prayer master and yoga instructor to acting legend Richard Gere.
Being Yourself
A thoughtful meditation of facing your demons and realizing your own self non-worth with Susan Sarandon’s Ping Pong Manager, Chad Michaels.
Living With Bad Choices
How to cope with them, from Mike Pence’s valet of 30 years, Jebs.
The Future
Rick Steves Made Earth President For Life
Aliens: “We don’t care what anyone else thinks. He’s in charge. Do what he says.”
The Future – April 22, 2021, New York City, Former United Nations – 12:12 p.m.
In a not-surprising victory, Rick Steve’s, TV’s legendary travel author and presenter, took to the stage at the Earth Headquarters in NYC this afternoon and gave a rousing speech to a largely, at first, silent audience.
“This is good. Trust me. I’m way better than anyone else around, let me tell you,” proclaimed Steves. “My first priority is to end all war, end all religion, create a 100% free food, education and housing, and cancel All Access Hollywood and the entire E. Network.”
At first almost inaudible, a slow clap from the back of the newly renamed “Earth Palace” began to take hold, growing into a respectable applause.
At the end of his historic speech, Steves led a parade out of the auditorium with Kenny Bobien’s “You Are My Friend” playing over the loudspeakers.
Alien Civilization Sues Mark Zuckerberg For Copyright on Threads Logo
New Study Finds Alternate Explanation for Dinosaur Extinction
In Stunning Move, Taylor Swift Denies Win to “President Elect” Kanye West
-
Covid-195 years agoNew Study Finds Alternate Explanation for Dinosaur Extinction
-
News5 years agoSome Canadian Lady Reads Tarot Cards And Wins The World
-
The Future5 years agoIn Stunning Move, Taylor Swift Denies Win to “President Elect” Kanye West
-
Covid-195 years agoCouple From Tau Ceti Star System Taking A Second Look At Home On Earth
-
Covid-195 years agoIs Dr. Bornstein Moonlighting as the Allegedly Debunked Plandemic Dr. Judy Mikovits?
-
Covid-195 years agoLocal Woman Clings To Positive Message; Stares Out Rain Swept Window
-
Special Report5 years agoCongress To Enact $800 Billion Mansion and Celebrity Estate Relief Fund
-
Exclusive5 years agoMasterClass Desperate For Content; Introduces Gwyneth Paltrow’s Scream Therapist